Gratitude & Grandbabies

It’s time for my Santino (grandson) fix. Normally I just post his pics on Facebook. But I want to continue sharing weekly Gratitude posts and after spending the day with Santino yesterday, it just seems apropo.

First, a bit about my personal story. When I was a little girl, I had the typical dreams - grow up, get married, have kids. But that didn’t happen for me. I did get married, but couldn’t have my own kids. Two surgeries later, actually 3 – one for my husband, having my own kids was out of the question. (This was in the early ‘80’s)

Our marriage then fell apart and I moved on with my life, trying to find some sort of contentment without having my own children. Then in 1991 I meet a wonderful man, who happens to have 3 boys, ages 7, 10, & 12.

In 1992, my life changed forever. I finally had the family I had yearned for. But, man, it was tough. Three at once! It was sheer craziness and I became, well, a madwoman.

But we got thru it all. The boys are now men. And in 2007, my youngest – now 25 – was told he was going to be a daddy. Enter Santino in my life.

Even though my son and Santino’s mother were not together, she was so gracious in bringing the baby over to our house regularly. At first it was just Thursday nights. But as time progressed and she went back to work, I started caring for him 3 days a week, then 5, then 6. For the first 18 months of his life, he was with me nearly every day.

Finally! God had blessed me with a baby! No, I didn’t give birth to him, but he didn’t care. He didn’t know I was his grandmother. In fact, he called me Mommy until he was 2.

Now he’s in daycare and I see him Wednesday nights and all day Saturdays, with some extra time here and there. I’m “Gramma” now, but he’s still joined at my hip when he’s with me.

Now that he’s 2, I’m determined to create Christmas traditions with him that I was too overwhelmed to manage with his dad and brothers. He loves art (go figure!) so we went to Michael’s yesterday and bought supplies for him to make his own presents.

We had such fun. I had to let go of some of my obsessive issues and just let him play. He doesn’t care about messes. He doesn’t care about the finished product. He’s just present in the moment – something I need to remember as I paint.

He doesn’t understand about gift-giving yet, but we’re working on it. I asked him who he was making a present for (he has tons of aunts and uncles and cousins on both sides of the family) and he promptly responded, “Uncle Marlon” (his dad’s brother).

After a full day, we were headed to his mom’s and I turned on the Christmas Carol radio station. I was singing – off key – and waving my arms. He promptly said, “Gramma, turn music up!” As I continued driving and singing, I looked in my rearview mirror, only to see him waving his arms and singing his own version.
So, this morning, my heart is full of gratitude for this wonderful little boy in my life. For my son who didn’t want a child at first, but has grown into a fantastic father. For my husband who brought me a ready-made family.

As fate would have it, the movie “Knocked Up” was on tv last night. During the birthing scene, I felt the old, distant pangs tugging at my heart. Then I looked at these pictures of Santino and felt fulfilled.

You never know what life holds in store for you. I just know I don’t want to go through life longing for what I don’t have. I want to be fully appreciative of what I do have. The rest will take care of itself.
Colleen