I certainly never would’ve considered myself a risk-taker. Inside, in a place I like to keep disguised and hidden, I’m generally pretty timid and insecure. A place where self-confidence is a goal, not a reality.
No, I wouldn’t describe myself as a risk-taker.
But last night, when I read The Dangers of Risk Taking by Kate at Centsational Girl, it got me to thinking about my own life’s path.
Could it be, in spite of all my fears and anxieties, that I not only take risks, but that I’m a huge risk-taker?
Surely, that can’t be true . . . can it?
Okay, so when I opened my flower shop at 19, that was a huge risk. Agreed. And a huge failure.
But I learned more about opening and running a small business and what NOT to do than I ever would’ve learned if I had an MBA.
Then there was the time when I created/published/edited Step Parenting Today, a bimonthly magazine. A print magazine. (read: before digital media). I started SPT because I was a new stepmother to three boys and couldn’t find a lick of info on step parenting. I felt lost and insecure and I second-guessed every single thing I did – or didn’t do - with the boys.
Not a huge financial success, but a huge personal success. I took away a lot of graphic design experience, and some writing prowess, but mainly I learned that parenting is parenting. The “step” part is about the parents, not the kids.
A year or so after I published the last issue, I took a job at a craft store – as their floral designer.
Finally – this wasn’t a risk! But only because of the risks I had taken before with the flower shop.
I started playing around with faux finishes for displays. This was 1995, folks. No glazes at the paint stores. No faux finish videos. Just trial and error. Again. Just like the flower shop. Just like the magazine. But at least this time I was getting paid – a whopping $6/hr.
From there I was hired to manage a boutique home & garden store in Folsom. Simple. Easy. Absolutely no risks. Comfort.
Complacency!
One fateful day, the shop owner wouldn’t spend $30 to buy a sign from Disney.
Being a chronic people-pleaser (which I’ve now learned leads to risks) I offered to paint the sign for the shop. And I did – on a piece of poster board with craft paints.
The reaction? Shop Owner was pleasantly surprised (and I’m sure figuring out other things I could paint for $7/hr).
Husband got angry. Yep, angry!
And I quote, “How could you have this God-given talent and not be using it?”
Huh?!? It’s just a simple bear, I rationalized. Anyone could paint that.
But just those two validating opinions started me on a life-changing course.
Attempt #1. Note how I left the wall outlets unpainted. Ah, such style! Ok, seriously – not bad, not bad.
Attempt #2 – my dining room. I think this took me about 3 weeks. And, see those Italian Cypress trees in the background? At first they looked like they had snow on them rather than a highlight.
But I got hooked on painting walls. It was big. It was fun. It was freeing . . . uh, painting on my own walls. But painting on someone else’s walls? For m-m-m-money?
Lordy, those early days I should’ve just taken a sleeping bag to my client’s houses, I was there so long. And I think I went from making $7 and hour to about $1.50.
But just like the flower shop – I learned. Just like the magazine – I learned. I learned what not to do, and what to do.
Little by little by little, each painting project became less of a risk and more of a fun new package to be opened.
Now, it’s almost 16 years later. I’m much faster when I paint. I know how to bill so I make a little bit of money. I know I can deliver a beautiful product to my clients.
Has that deep, dark insecure place been filled with a bright shining light of self-confidence?
Hell, no!!!
Which is why writing this for Nester’s National {not really} Take a Risk Day has been rather illuminating.
It all seems counterintuitive to me. Why would someone who’s basically insecure keep choosing professions that are dependent upon others’ opinions?
And, of late, why would that same insane person actually write about these projects via blogs so even more people can not only voice their opinions, but leave {gulp} comments?
I have no idea. But, Friends, my name is Colleen, and I am a risk taker.
Here’s the real kicker to this long, drawn out story – my mission/passion/dream is to get
as many people as possible to paint.
Using my painting tutorials, of course 
Why? Because when you take a risk and try something you don’t believe you can do, there is this huge sense of accomplishment. Huge, I tell ya.
And little, by little, by little, there’s a bit of self confidence that creeps in, as the RISKS lessen and become more of a that’s-just-the-way-I-do-things.
Oh, one more thing . . . remember Winnie the Pooh that started this whole career path as an artist?
Yep, I still paint him and his friends for family gifts.
Are you up for a challenge? A risk? Take a look at your own life – what risks have you taken and what did you take away from them?
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