Be careful what you wish for. You might actually get it.
My mother and I have had our house up for sale for quite a while. We dropped the price, again, and it looks like we have a solid offer now. However, the buyers want a 30 day escrow. That means packing and moving in a month. Not to mention, we have to find somewhere to live first!
On the one hand, I’m excited about the prospect of a new house. Neither one of us were too happy about moving back into my childhood home 2 years ago. For Mom, this house holds too many memories and nostalgia. I just wanted to be in a house with my husband again.
It’s hard to believe it’s almost been a year since my husband died. I wake up each morning and go through the motions of living. Some days are even pretty good. Actually, most days are pretty good. But I have to work at it. I have to really work at counting blessings, finding appreciation and staying positive. Otherwise, I can find myself on that slippery slope into the dark abyss called depression. It’s a long, hard climb up once I’ve slipped into that hole so I really try to be aware of that line in the sand and not cross it.
Blogging usually helps. But not always. If I find myself on the other side of that line, I can’t always find words that make sense. Maybe that’s not true. I could find the words but I just don’t feel like it. There. I said it. Some days I just don’t feel like painting pretties and writing about them. I’m hoping, really hoping, a new house will be just the kick-in-the-pants I need.
It’s been almost 3 years since I’ve had a house. My own house. Marlon & I lost our house in September 2010. He moved in with his mother to take care of her and I moved in with Mom. I’d been staying with her half the time anyway. But when I moved in with her it was still her house, not mine. In February 2011 we gave up that house, with it’s ridiculously high mortgage, and moved back into this house, my childhood home.
So here we are, over two years later. Mom is still battling cancer. I’m battling widowhood. (Ugh. I detest being a widow. It still feels like a cruel joke.) Maybe a new house is exactly what we both need for a fresh start.
I hope so. I’m ready for a fresh start. It takes a while, you know, before you’re ready to move forward. There’s a difference between getting up every morning and getting up and living every day. It’s one thing to hold on to your memories. It’s an entirely different thing to let those memories hold you back.
Maybe I’m putting too much stock into a simple little house. But I don’t think so. My home has always been extremely important to me, whether it was a tiny apartment or a 2400 sq. foot house. Not having a space I could call my own over these past 3 years has had a profound effect on me. So I’m really looking forward to jointly finding a house with Mom, no matter how big or how small it is.
Of course, finding a house also means packing, downsizing and purging, yard sales, and then moving and unpacking. Yeah. There’s all of that. But once that’s all done I’ll have a new home.
I think I’m ready.
When’s the last time you moved? Do you have any great packing or moving tips? I’m all ears!
Colleen
about Colleen
It's going to be wonderful!!!!! New rooms to set up. Walls to paint. Maybe a garden. A new fresh start! I'm cheering you on!
ReplyDeleteBig hugs,
Morena
Hope this helps -
http://tlc.howstuffworks.com/home/moving-tips.htm
Colleen, you are in my thoughts right now. I detest moving, but I do hope this is a change that will be wonderful for you and your mother. I picture the two of you fixing up a cute little bungalow with lots of charm ;-)
ReplyDeleteI'm relatively new to your blog and read about your husband last week. It really pierced my heart and stayed with me all day, I can only imagine how much more amplified your feelings are. I'm so sorry for your loss, praying for comfort and strength as you move forward with life.
ReplyDeleteHi Colleen, I just recently found your blog and absolutely love and appreciate your generosity in sharing the beauty of your art. I do hope that you both find a home where wonderful new memories will be made and where the old ones can be at peace.
ReplyDeleteOh Colleen,
ReplyDeleteOnce again our lives are paralleling, I am currently moving myself! After having to place Mom into a nursing home about a month ago, I am now forced to move. I am currently purging, and getting ready to be packed and moved by the 24th. I am praying it will be a fresh start for me too. You know I will be praying for you! Please keep in touch.
Hugs,
Maureen
Morena, thanks so much for the cheers! And the moving tips. Those are wonderful! xoxo
ReplyDeleteHere are my moving tips.
ReplyDeleteGet a box and fill it with lots of markers. More than you could ever imagine losing while labeling stuff. Get even more packing tape, see above. Get about 10 times the amount of boxes you'll think you need. See above again.
Go to IKEA and buy a large amount of their giant blue shopping bags. They are less than a dollar each. I am serious when I say you could use 30 or more. They make moving so much easier, especially moving things like clothes and blankets and towels and shoes and for trips to the Goodwill to drop off donations. I bought 15 for our move and wish I had double.
Plan on living like a barbarian the last week in the old place and the first week in the new. Buy sandwich fixings and call it breakfast through dinner!
I love/hate moving. It makes me come face to face with every single thing I own and that can be depressing!
Jessica
allsquaredup.blogspot.com
Colleen,
ReplyDeleteI do/don't know what you are going thru. What I do know for sure is that the first year is always the hardest - the "firsts" is what I call it. Somedays seem to stand still while others feel like they will never end. My 10 year old son lost his 3 month battle with cancer almost 9 years ago. it is THE hardest journey I have had to walk but each day gets better. I have learned to live again but some days it just doesn't happen. Don't be hard on yourself - everyone grieves differently and you have lost your soulmate. My son passed in the fall of 2004 and we moved into our current place in July 2006. Moving is good but be careful of what you purge. Even if you have to rent a small storage unit for a month or two or store in a small shed. When emotions are raw sometimes things get purged that later you wish you hadn't ;) Just sayin... if you ever need someone to listen, I'm just an email away. Your move will be healing I believe, but it won't be "the same" :-[ I'd like to say I know what you're going thru, but I don't because loosing a husband or child is so personal because they are a part of you. Everything' gonna turn out right, you'll see... (I wrote this to myself as well as I needed a little reminder myself ♥ )