Starting a New Chapter

Thank you to Nestlé® Pure Life® for sponsoring this post.

I think these past two weeks have been the longest weeks of my life. At least, my body certainly feels that way. We’re moving. Just seven miles, across town, but still, this is a major move for both my mother, as well as me. There’s something about packing all of your belongings, picking each and every single item up. You touch it, look at it, and you’re instantly transported to another time, a memory. Some good, some not so good.

Because I’m packing both mine and my mother’s belongings, we’ve had lots of reminiscing lately. More than usual. She tells me stories of when she was growing up or perhaps a time as a young wife before I was born. It’s fascinating to me, to look at my mother in a different perspective, not as my mom, but as a child, teenager, or young woman.

Mom, age 12

I’m luckier than most. I realize that. I have a treasured relationship with Mom. But then, I always have. She’s always been my best friend, even when I was a kid. Even when I was a teenager! I always thought it was because of my place in sibling order, being the youngest of five children with five years between me and my brother closest in age. This placement afforded me both the raucousness and warmth of a large family as well as being the ‘only’ child during my teen years with my brothers & sisters away at college. It was during that time that Mom & I forged our close relationship that has lasted a lifetime.

Homecoming, Sophomore Year, 1973

You don’t know what you are learning from your parents until you’re older. Oh, you think you know. But you don’t. Believe me. In fact, many times what people tell you winds up pointing you in the opposite direction! Mom, like others, led by her example, which I didn’t realize until just recently. You might think that it’s words that teach. But words don’t teach.

Actions teach. Living life teaches.

She led by her example, and I am just now realizing that. We have so many similarities. Mom was a dancer, so was I. She married a man with children & raised them as her own, so did I. The similarities go on and on. So something in me was paying attention to what she did, more than what she said.

Just like a teenager, right?

However there was something my mother always told me -

Put yourself in the other person’s shoes

Have empathy for others. Not sympathy, exactly. No, more compassion and understanding and trying to see the other person’s perspective. This advice has served me well, I think, to be a considerate, caring person.

Mom, teaching step aerobics at age 85

However, I will add that lately Mom said she actually did me a disservice by teaching me that adage. There are times when it’s easy to become something of a doormat, letting others run rampant over you. I’m not sure if this is something all women struggle with or just a few of us. But I’ll admit that I’m still learning how to set boundaries and say “no”. From time to time.

Not with my mother, though. She and I have a pretty good rhythm going. We do well living together. Which is a good thing since it looks like we’ll be doing so for the immediate future. And I’m okay with that.

I look back at my life at a time before I met Marlon and it was a very happy period in my life. I was single, teaching dance, computer consulting, had a ton of cats and lived by myself. Life was good.

I was a different person then. Not a wife, a mother, nor a grandmother. And certainly not a widow. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d wear that label. It’s just something I never thought of. Now I realize that it’s pretty obvious. If you’re married, one of you will go before the other. Unless you’re lucky enough to go together. (sorry.) My point is, I never thought I’d be going through what I’m going through because my husband died. Never.

Luckily, I have my best friend. My mother. Who also happens to be a widow. Who understands what it’s like to have a bad day, to not feel like talking (or even living), to just not know what to do to feel better. She gets all of it. It’s a huge blessing for me.

We used to jokingly call the house we’re moving from “Widow’s Haven” because a) we’re both widows and b) “Haven” was my dad’s name. The new house we’re moving into will not bear the same name though. No, this is a new chapter for us. While I’m not sure how the story will go, I am sure that I’m pretty dang lucky to be living it with my best friend.

Pure wisdom should be shared with others! Share the best advice your mother gave you with Nestlé® Pure Life®

p.s. My mother is 85 years old and teaches step aerobics three times a week! Yes, she eats well but her main focus is staying hydrated. And, yes, she passes that on to me as well as the many, many students she’s taught over the years.

Show your support for hydration this summer on the Nestlé® Pure Life® Facebook page and pass healthy living on to your own kids this summer!

Full disclosure: this article is financially supported by Nestlé® Pure Life® Purified Water

Colleen

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