Who I am. Or not.

You know how when you start a blog you have to write a profile? Or on Facebook? Or any other networking group. They all want profiles.

Who are you?

I used to put: Artist/decorator/writer.

Nothing about my personal life. But I’ve decided to change all that.

I’m a GWDSM – Grandmother,Wife,Daughter,StepMother. I put it in that order, not only by my preference of labels, but also because it kind of looks like GawdSome. GodSome.

Cute, huh?

Well, I think it is.

Now, I’m 52. FIFTY-freaking-TWO! Those two numbers do not add up to how I feel. 32, maybe. Or 42, even. Not 52!

But it’s true and there’s no use denying it.

Below I’ve made a list of Who I am and Who I’m not, in no particular order. After writing this list, I discovered I’m a bundle of contradictions. No wonder BBH scratches his head a lot.

After 52 years, I just can’t fit it all into a tiny little profile.

It seems a little, well, self-indulgent to write about myself. But I did so I might just as well post it.

1. I’m not a country girl, (Lord, knows. Dad always called me a ‘city girl’.) But I was raised in the country, in a small town in Northern California, Placerville – population 5000, when I was growing up. Placerville is a short drive from where gold was discovered, for any history buffs out there. No. I don’t like the country. I want all the conveniences, and close by, thank you very much. I moved out of Placerville the day after I graduated high school.

2. I’m not a Pioneer Woman, but I was raised with horses, cowboys and a horse stables. How-dee! Ugh. Hated it. Dirty. Very, very dirty. I don’t like dirt. At. All.

3. I’m not a positive person by nature. I worry. I think of the worst possible outcomes. I used to think I was a realist. Nope. I’m just negative. I say this after years of reading positive thinking books, listening to tapes and attending countless workshops on positive thinking. Just call me a work in progress. I’m trying. But you know what they say about ‘trying’ – it means you haven’t actually done it yet.

4. I’m not a Mommy. But I’m a parent. Whaaa? I couldn’t have my own children, but I raised 3 stepsons. All. By. Myself. When the boys moved in, Dad was working, and all the aunties, grandmothers, uncles, etc. all had wonderful (tongue in cheek, gagging sound comin’ outta my mouth) advice, but none of them were actually around to help with the boys. It was just me and three boys. More like, me against them. But ask any one of them – I’m their parent. If they have a problem, they call me – not all the other advice-giving relatives. Me. And I’m very proud of that.

5. I am a perfectionist, but you’d never know it by the looks of my house. I want everything just so, and not having it that way depresses me, drives me nuts, and makes me, well, bitchy, for lack of a better word. So a chaotic house combined with me not being naturally positive, well, you get the idea. Strike 1.

6. I’m also an organizer, but, again, you wouldn’t know it by the looks of my house. I could blame it on the kids, but they’re all grown. Nope, it’s all me. I’m just overwhelmed by it all right now. This dovetails into #5 above – being a perfectionist. Strike 2. I just think things should be a certain way – my way, of course, but I’m too dang tired to do it. Which leads me to #7. . .

7. I am really low in energy. Always have been, even as a child. Oh, I get a lot done in a day, but it’s an uphill battle. I was even diagnosed back in ’92 with chronic fatigue syndrome. But so what? It doesn’t make anyone else clean, organize, or do the laundry. Strike 3.

8. My house is a chaotic, undecorated disaster – but I follow feng shui principles, & love anything to do with decorating. Besides, I’m a bloody artist! I have stacks and stacks of paintings. Literally. They’re just all stacked up in piles here, there and everywhere. Strike 4.

What? I only get 3 strikes? Who says? I already said I don’t live a normal life.

9. I am not a cook, but I love collecting recipes and I watch Food Network. All.The.Time. How do you get to be 52 and not know how to cook? Easy – marry a man who can cook. Then have youngest son go to culinary school. Works for me!

10. I hate vegetables, but I was vegetarian for 8 years (in my guru days – another story).

That’s ten!

But, no, I’m not finished. I have 10 more self-indulgent things I am, or am not.

If you’re still awake.

If not, I’m not offended, believe me.

I am painting again. I am writing about feng shui again. Oh, and if you’re interested in feng shui, we’re gonna have some fun!!! That’s my big teaser for now.

Hello??? Are you still there? okay, I’ll just let you sleep.