The plan was that I’d be at the airport right now, waiting to board my plane and land in Salt Lake City at 9:01 p.m. I’d take a shuttle to the hotel where I’d hug and squeeze my roommates, Vivienne and Jennifer. A fresh tube of waterproof mascara was purchased just for this occasion. Then I’d meet up with Carolina so we could do a final run-thru of our Google+ presentation. That was the plan.
Plans change.
It was magical how everything had worked out. Miraculous, really. It started early last Fall when I won a conference ticket to SNAP2013. This year I really was going to go.
On a whim I filled out the application for Speakers and, by some miracle, was accepted and invited to speak.
The miracles continued, one by one. The plans lined up perfectly.
Plans change.
At first I struggled with the decision to not go, to stay home and take care of my ailing mother facing some new medical difficulties.
Writing that now seems incredibly shallow and selfish. Isn’t it odd how in the midst of a dilemma the correct path is cloudy and unclear, but once you’ve made a choice, you wonder how you even questioned yourself? I mean, really, there’s no comparison between taking care of my mother or going away to a blog conference for a 3 day weekend.
Except that this conference was really important to me. Speaking about Google+ to a group of creative bloggers was really important. Meeting my blog friends in person was really important. Blog friends who have been there for me, day in and day out, over the past year since Marlon died.
Believe it or not, I debated for four days. Oh, I think I knew all along what the choice would be but I wanted to make sure I wasn’t hiding behind care-giving. I thought I’d gotten over that self-sabotage mechanism but I wanted to be sure.
In the end, there was no question. No matter what the plan had been, I know what my purpose is. I simply have to be with my mother right now.
There will be other conferences, perhaps other speaking engagements even. But there will be only be one mother.
With what happened in Boston, this all seems quite trivial now. My prayers go out to all affected by the tragedy.
Colleen
about Colleen
Of course you made the right choice. There will be other opportunities to go to blog conferences, but there is limited time to be with your mother. I hope she's able to feel better.
ReplyDeleteWe are missing you, but understand. :(
ReplyDeleteAww Colleen, My prayers go out to you and your Mom. Darnit, life is ridiculously hard sometimes. I have a feeling that you won't have to wait very long to give another speech or use your talents for Blogging.
ReplyDeleteLove you,
Laura
Oh Colleen, I have been in your shoes more than one time in my life. I don't think it is wrong or trivial to want to do things that are "just for ourselves" - sometimes we need that time to re-energize so we can continue to take care of the things/people that are important to us. The majority of family including my mother and youngest son have gone to be with the Lord and that also meant that I put my life hold for them and the only thing I would change if I could, would be to spend more time with them :) We don't know the future but our Heavenly Father does and that is all that really matters ;) (Preaching to myself this morning lol) Sending a big virtual hug to you today Colleen :)
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